Mental Illness and Alcohol definately dont mix!!

            A Relationship doomed....

Wednesday 9th October 2013.

 

Amanda arrived at my flat, with all her belongings, which was five days since the saga of my being accused of stealing.

For me mentally wise I was still reeling over it..So Amanda was here, How did i know her? Who was she?

I met her on lycos chat site, and we had known each other for around 2yrs..Well one day she told me she Up Shit Street, her landlord wanted her out,she was given a weeks notice,and there was no way that she would find a place to live in that time scales, so she was heading for being homeless, She lived in York,and myself being in south wales, I felt so awful for her, and suggested she could come stay here in the flat with me, until she found suitable accommodation.

I was aware that she drank quite often,, not every day, but for me, the communication broke down and it was stressful and hard work trying to all of a sudden have yet another alcoholic in my life. Alcohol has been in my life for so long. My Father drank, my Mother drank ,My Husband drank, and my last partner also drank. All of them alcoholics,which created conditions beyond my control.

So here I was, in my small flat and living with amanda who had serious drink issue.

I don`t know why but my defenses went straight up, i shut off my emotions and was no longer the stress free and happy go lucky Leona.

I lost my temper on a few occasions, after finding empty bottles of Vodka stashed under my sofa, and as she had no idea i had found it, i asked her what she had been drinking, she replied that it was just bottles of lager.. i said that's all?? Are you being honest with me Amanda? she said yes, just lager. All i do know, is that people with alcohol issues become liars in order to keep their drinking less obvious while secretly consuming large amounts

So i gave her an ultimatum 

  

And i asked her if she would stop drinking , she wasn't an every day drinker and could go without alcohol for several days, but she told me she couldn't see what all the fuss was about, and that her behavior was not an issue..but for me it was a big issue.

She would talk to me like i was a piece of shit, telling me to fuck off, i could write more but i don`t really want to go over it all again.

She would fall over causing injury to herself, and when offered help pushed me away, shouting at me Fuck off.

So I told her if she had no intention of respecting my wishes while staying in my home, she had a week to get out,leave ..i had , had enough

My mood was all over the place,i was up and down sporadically 

So friday came.. and she had no intention of going anywhere, so i told her Monday she will have to leave, regardless of the situation.

Monday came at it was 11pm and i just lost my cool..i screamed at her to get out,over and over. I tried to physically lift her from the sofa but she said she wasn't going to leave.

Eventually i got her on her feet and i frog marched her to the front door, pushed her out and slammed the door shut and locked it..I knew the way i had gone about the situation was so so out of order..but something inside me snapped. I can`t take back what i did, and i tried to go to bed and sleep, i was just dozing when at 3am hammering on the front door..i opened it and outside stood 5 police officers with Amanda smirking in the background. Two officers came into the flat and just asked me basically if i would let her back in..i said NO.. she was a fully grown adult who had chosen alcohol over me. That to me had consequences ,, wekk the police left and i didn't hear from her until yesterday asking if she could come up and sort some stuff of hers and take as much as possible. A local homeless charity had helped her out, and they bought her a train ticket back to york..so right now shes back there.. but i still have boxes of her belongings, which i will have to put in the electric cupboard outside the flat.

All i can say is Alcohol and Schizophrenia also with a long history of drink in my life..doesn't mix.

BUT .. I STILL have to deal with the way i treated her..my behavior was out of order and my life long pledge to never get physical with someone, was shattered.

Its something that's going to take a bit of time to deal with, and i pray i will resolve it at some point.

The internet is a Wiley and false world where people pretend to be oh so perfect.. I thought I knew Amanda,,after 2 years of chatting online and talking on the phone..but I didnt did I?